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The girl, Nicole. Born 12081988 to be a leo. Studying at NP>BFS. She loves to eat,♥ especially cupcakes and dark chocolates.♥She loves to shop. She loves to talk.♥She love her dar dar,Phua Cheng Yi.♥♥♥ She loves and she just loves them all! (:
ma decision dans le vie
After days of consideration, I've decided to face the music. It's tough to bring this topic up in my blog. Some may sympathise me, some may just wanna know abt it then go ard gossiping abt it, some may be laughing hard deep down in their stomach, some may think I'm silly and stupid, some may.... There's just so many ways each and everyone would react and I can't really pen them all down.
WHATEVER IT IS. THIS IS MY LIFE. THIS IS MY DECISION. I PUT MYSELF AS THE PRIORITY. I DO WHAT I THINK WOULD BE BEST FOR ME. NO ONE CAN DECIDE AND NO ONE SHALL COMMENT OR RATHER NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO COMMENT AND LAUGH AT ME. SIMPLY BECAUSE IT HAS NOTHING GOT TO DO WITH YOU. IT HAS NO IMPACT AT ALL IN YOUR LIFE.
Be my guest and read this post. Save your comments for yourself. I don't need anyone to sympathise me neither do I need you sarcastic comments. I don't need your advises or concern, I've true friends and my beloved family around me to support me. Just save it. Simply because you're never the someone to comment, you're never in your life be in my position. Pardon me for my hostile words.
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It's a tough decision. However there's no turning point now. I've withdraw from SMU on 24 August 2009 (Mon). It's a torturing process to come up to this decision. Many may think how come I'm so silly to withdraw. Perhaps to you, it's SMU. The brand. The recognition. Of course, I'm proud and happy that I can get in SMU. It's my dream school. It's the university that I've always wanted to get in. If I've the strength... If I can do it... If I can pull myself through, I swear I would definitely not let it goes off my hands. Certainly I would hold it tight, cherish the opportunity and hopefully be a SMU grad.
It's really sad to say this. I've failed.. I've failed to pull myself through. It's really stressful. My 1st week of school is really an eye-opening experience for me. Not only do I suffered from cultural shock but I'm tortured by the stress level. Life in SMU is truly very competitive. As compared to poly, I done the additional 100%. I put in my 200% efforts to read up all the required readings, prepared myself for the lessons. However it doesn't really aid me much. I would still end up leaving the seminar rooms feeling upset that I'm only 40% sure of the profs are saying. 40% is considering a rather comforting day for me. It's even more upset if I only understand 10-20% after the 3hrs seminar. This is SMU unique pedagogy. The cultural to groom outspoken individuals.
As an introvert, I tried to speak up during seminars. Class participation can be as high as 40% with teaching assistant in almost every class to take note of your class participation, whether you participated in class etc. It's never an easy one to participate by saying yes or no or giving short answers to think you've participated. It's really about the QUALITY of what you says rather than the QUANTITY. Indeed a cultural shocking moments for me.
Readings wasn't easy. As compared to the JC peeps, my command of English is never comparable to theirs. Checking of dictionary, understanding my content isn't enough, research and contribute in class. The depth of research, it is something that I can never gauge how much would be sufficient to aid me to participate in class. Some brought in aliens information that wasn't in the text, I'm lost and even lost if another one brought in his/hers. The stress level is always there, I could hardly breathe. Whenever I've the time, I would be reading and reading. No time to even see my students' assignments. Everything seems to be piling up each day.
I thought... IS this kind of teaching style gg to benefit me? Would I be able to perform under such situation? Initially I decided to give myself 1 term to test on to see if I can adapt. However, I'm so afraid that I would regret the 2 or 3 weeks and starts questioning myself why did I choose this? I knew myself very well. To study in SMU is because of its branding and recognition and ultimately it would allows me to net a higher pay. However if I can't pull through yet still chose to clinch hard onto the brand, it's not gg to get me to anywhere. SMU grad with a GPA of 2.0 and below???
I may be feeling upset now that I've given this opportunity away. That's because I knew very clearly that I want the branding more than anything else. However, I won't want to waste my time and money after 1 term there when I know I would probably be giving up each day. My attitude towards the workload and stress would probably be positive now but under the environment with increasing stress and workload, I doubt I would still stay positive and determined.
Hence I've decided to withdraw which is a better choice for me. Despite that I almost teared during the interview regarding my withdrawal, I still decided to let it go and pursue my next direction in life. During the interview, all my heart-felt words had flooded my eyes in front of the officer when he asked if I know what I'm doing and if I'm really sure about withdrawing from SMU considering the fact that it would tough for me to enter again as I've to go through the usual admission interviews next year or so. I teared because I felt that I'm incompetent, I'm upset with myself that i can't pull myself through this tough environment and why can't I just absorb faster, read faster, analyse faster than my peers.
There's no turning point now. I've weight the factors and I know which direction would be a better choice for me. I never regret this decision and I'm going to live to the fullest in the next direction in life. After all it's pointless to cry over spilled milk. Hence I'm gg to put in my 100% effort in everything I do, regardless in work or studies again.
Simply because I'm the one who made this decision myself, I've consider every single factors logically during the decision making process. Hence I never regret what I've done. I must do a better job to prove that I've made the correct choice for myself. Regretting would not makes me feel better nor would it gives me the degree for free. Instead of doing so, why don't I channel my energy and time now to think of what I should in the next direction in life and do a better job to show myself and my family that I've made a wise decision.
Be it a wise decision or not, it's up to me to decide.
If I decided to cry over the spilled milk for the rest of my life, harping on the same issue that why am I so incompetent to pull through etc.. Certainly I would not be able to find a better direction in life, remaining in my current state, refuse to move forward to find my new goals and directions is certainly gg to land me in a real disappointing state.
However I'm not going to do that! Instead, I'm gg to encourage myself, pull myself up from where I've fall to move forward bravely, channel all my time and energy to find the new directions in life and do it well, put in my 100%! The time when I look back, I would have find this a wise decision made.Etre Courageux. Etre Positif. Etre Heureux. Une decision sage dans la vie.
Tml's Convocation!
Sigh. It's gonna be a long session, 1230hrs all the way to 1630hrs. To think of it has already made me starts to think of tons of excuses not to go. Yet it's a grand ceremony to mark the beginning of my uni life. Sigh.
Some major changes in my life soon:
- Back to School Life
- My dear boy is leaving for detachment 2 weeks later and will be away for 1 mth.
(I really hope time could fly quickly at the blink of my eyes. So that I can he can be back by my side again.)
I really hate to face separation. Despite the buckets of tears that I've contributed over the months whenever I think of his detachment and our separation, it still quite tough for me to accept the fact that he'll not be by my side for one month. Nevertheless I've been doing pretty well lately. Whenever we talked abt his detachment, I seems to be quite alright. Like it's a fact, I can't do anything about it. Perhaps I'm just getting a bit emotional when I think of him leaving me in just 2 weeks time.
Well.. I shall braced myself to face this separation with belief that days would passed by quickly.
After coming back from Tioman, I'm still not very used to not seeing you by my side. I missed the days when I turn to my left/right, I'll kissed and hugged, showered with all your love.
I'm back from Tioman. Extremely nice and relaxing trip! I'll soon post an entry on my Tioman trip once I got the pix done. THANKS PEOPLE FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES! Anyway... I managed to spot my dear boy on NDP show that day!! Woo~ So excited. Lol! Here's showing him at NDP on Channel 5 TV broadcast!
(I dun care, you better bring it there and place it on your bed or wherever ppl can see it. Don't try to keep it inside your bags.. Bleh!)HAPPY 44TH BIRTHDAY to SINGAPORE!
I'm definitely going to watch the livecast later to see if I can spot my dear boy (yes.. I've yet to give up despite I didn't spot him at NEShow 3. Arghh..)
Alright! I'll be gg off soon in abt 15-16hrs time for my Birthday Trip! Weee~
Ytd was a big shopping day for us. Went to Bugis Street (Lvl 2) to buy my bikini at BELLA KINI. It's highly recommended! The design there are nice and prices are really afforable. However you can choose to shop at the outlet in Illuma but I think besides these 2 outlets, they still have others outlets as well. Hmmm.. Went to shop at De' Corsets (Bugis Street - Boom Boom Street) also. As recommended by the forum. The design are really nice!
Talk abt Corsets, some gals do have the mindsets that Corsets are for bedroom wear... However if you've a chance to see the design and the shoplady, probably you would starts to see a different world.
Anyway was at STRIP (Ministry of Waxing) @ THE CATHAY ytd with my dear boy. And... he caught these for me! It's really fun cause we spent like abt 7 dollars to catch the lil DOMO KUN and he spent 20 over dollars to catch the big DOMO KUN. He's obessed with catching these dolls at times.. simply because he find DOMO KUN cute and was determined to catch the big DOMO KUN so the lil one can be hug by the big one. Hmmm.. so by luck, he managed to catch the big one using the very last dollar left in his palm. 
My family has expanded. Thanks to my dear boy. DOMO KUN will be coming with us for the trip and DOMO KUN will be acc him to his one mth Thai Detachment.
WOOOOOOO! BOSS BIDDING WAS A SUCCESS!!!
It's such a great relieve that it has been a successful one such that I dun have to worry abt my BOSS Bidding during my vacation nxt week.
As for my Calculus, no more harping on the same issue cause it's a fact and I've to accept it. So yea... I'm welcoming it! *Opening out my arms with a wide grin*
In life, if you're gg to reject everything that comes along your way.. you would forever stays in comfort zone and wouldn't be able to succeed much. This is something that I've learn.
Well.. I'm gonna take BUSINESS LAW again and it has remind me of Mr. George, my poly BLAW tutor, sitting on the corner of the table, shaking his legs while teaching us. He has indeed made BLAW real interesting and an easy module. Love BLAW! Hope I will love the upcoming LGST001 in uni.
Then the compulsory Academic Writing. And the other modules like Technology and World Changes and Creative Thinking (seems like CATS to me). Anyway I didn't take STATS this term as I would wish to focus and try to do well for my calculus, knowing that I wasn't a MATHS person at all. So I'll be taking it next term instead since I was exempted from Introductory Economics hence I shall use that time to study stats. By then, if anything don't know, I can ask PY who took up STATS this term.
Looking forward to the seminar class. Looking forward to the different environment and work load. Looking forward to the people I would meet. Worrying about the same things as well.
CONVOCATION is just next Sat. I'm glad that my dear boy will be there with me.
'To witness my NP Graduation and now to witness my convocation in SMU this year, you've already been an important person in my life. '
*Post dated entry*
After our BBM Academic Briefing on Mon, we (Phoi Yee, Me and my dear boy) had a nice lunch at EMPIRE STATE! The fries are nice... except for the sour cream that I made both of them to keep trying till they've concluded it's SOUR CREAM. lol. In which, I don't really like it at all.
Everything was nice! Nice day! Nice lunch! Nice lunch buddies! 
#Gal, dun forget when you strike lottery one day, you must treat us to a meal hur?? xD
BOSS Bidding is just today. Met Phoi Yee in school to do the bidding together.
To realised that I'm not exempted for CALCULUS!! Good for her cause she's exempted. I think shld be due to the fact that I didn't take A Maths in O Level thus I need to do Calculus. I can hardly imagine having to attend a 3hrs class for Calculus. Ohsharks! Ohsharks!
It's damn funny today cause she has gotta calm me down as I can't accept the fact that I've to take Calculus and kept harping on the same issue. lol. Alright. So bidding! Each of us started off with e$100 and I'm left with e$32 while she's left with e$4. Having to be exempted for Calculus, she can go ahead and do Stats while I can't. Simply because the exam for Calculus and Stats falls on the same day.
I could hardly imagine myself gg for a 3hr Calculus exam from 9 to 12. Then a 3hr Stats exam from 1-3. I think I can fainted halfway through my Stats exam. haha..
My '21st Birthday Escape Trip!'
As the title goes, I'll be away during my birthday. Reason being very simple. I want a peaceful 21st birthday!!! I'll not be having any parties or celebrations though the thought of having a 21st Birthday Bash did come across my mind.
Cause it's really very troublesome having to:
1. send out birthday invitations (Having to worry if you've missed out anyone in your list which might offend/upset them. Having to worry if you've invited people who some of your friends doesn't wish to see.)
2. Catering food/BBQ (We've all attended birthday parties before, ever notice that there are ppl who came and left without eating the food? Probably they've eaten before they came or the food aren't to their liking. BBQ - Having to trouble your family members or friends to help out with the BBQ, getting smelly after the whole event when it's your birthday? Perhaps they don't really mind helping out? However I felt that it wouldn't be very nice, it's like inviting you to be my satay-man??? lol.)
3. Entertainment (Being the birthday girl/boy, you've to attend to your guests. Yes. That's right! Can't possibly be you talking to them like less than a few mins (VERY HIGH CHANCE!) and then ask them to go get food and your poor friend would probably be talking to his/her own clique throughout the whole party. Where you then? You'll probably be too busy entertaining the rest/attending to the details of the party and forgets that you've only talk to him/her for less than a few mins. People do get bored afterawhile with so many other strange faces walking around and they're not gg to enjoy it. It'll then ends up to be like a gathering instead of a birthday party. Definitely I'm not gg to leave my friends out there feeling bored and nt enjoying himself/herself at my party.)
4. Location (North. South. East. West. Everyone's living at diff areas. Having a birthday party would probably have to trouble your friends who are living slightly further away to make a trip down. Personally I really don't like the long travelling time so what makes me think that all friends would like it? Besides I'm sure that I can't possibly find a good location to compromise everyone.)
5. Aftermath (You'll probably be very very tired and your poor bf/gf would probably be feeling the same too or double of yours, providing the help to attend to many other stuffs to allow you to have more time to attend to your guests. It's nt really worth it. Probably to some, opening pressies might be a reward for them. However, to think abt all my friends giving me pressies and I didn't really have the chance to entertain them. It's nt a nice feeling too.)
Hence, I decided to escape!! ESCAPE away from all these problems of having a birthday party. In a way, I can take this chance to relax myself before school starts and my friends can save up on my birthday pressie and the hassle to scout for it. So what if it's 21st birthday, I think birthdays are the same every year and it doesn't makes you become a different person the next day. You're still who you're.
To all my dear friends, BIRTHDAY WISHES are truly good enough for me. Loves! =)
A mixture of feelings. School starting in 15 days time. My only worry in heart: Would I be able to cope with my uni life? Would I be able to survive through all the projects, tests, examinations etc? Worried. This is the only word in my mind. BOSS Bidding is just round the corner. I really wonder if it's gg to be another heart-attacking game. I hope it's not gg to be like the poly days timetabling selection game cause it's really really a battle of the Luck and Speed. BBM Academic Briefing is just tml. Gonna get back to sch for a 3hr briefing. In which, I really really really hope that they don't start late like the previous round of OCS Orientation. Luckily refreshments will be served during the session... muahahaha... both py and I can feel at ease that we would be starved to death in the early morning. ALICE IN THE WONDERLAND! (Coming in March 2010)One of my fav childhood fairytale story. I've sent my message to my sergeant that I must watch this show! Weeee~
My eyes are feeling sore.. Waiting for my dear boy to call me after his parade.
Well.. Had a really miserable day. I couldn't hardly believe what I heard abt FBT shorts today. Wore a pair of FBT shorts to my granny hse today after my tuition. A few aunties came commenting that my shorts are too short, it's not appropriate for the occasion.
(FYI: It's some Taoist praying kinda event.)
They commented that I'm not showing respect to such occasion etc. I felt damn helpless, pissed off and then upset. It weren't any simple comments that ends with a full stop. It's endless, with other aunties at the sides, kaypo-ing what's happening then there goes their comments also. Firstly, I felt damn helpless as there is nothing I can do at that point of time, where on earth can I find a pair of pants? Secondly, I'm kinda pissed by those ppl who adds in their comments like this is an aunties' conversation. I'm definitely sure that they never learnt to put themselves into others ppl shoes. Cause they just keep commenting as it's FREE and I'm just like a nobody sitting there for them to comment abt until they're happy with nth else more to say. Thirdly, I'm truly upset. I made the effort to make a trip down to the event after my tuition, from Hougang to Jalan Bukit Merah. Yet, this is wat I deserve ultimately.
Tears just flow out from my eyes uncontrollably while I took a cab home myself.
Isn't it most important that worshipping to our religious comes from our hearts and not based on our attire? To some extend attire may be as important.
Think about it, how about a poor beggar who wish to enter the temple to pray? Would you chase him out because of his attire? Sometimes, we may be caught at situation in which we can't do anything about it, would the poor beggar wished to be dress in his torn clothings? Would I want to be in my shorts if I've a pair of pants with me? How about a rich man who dress very formally to pray in the temple when he doesn't have any intention to worship his religion deep down from his heart?
Comments may just be words but it can hurt you unknowingly. Only when you're the one receiving it, you'll then get a taste of it.
I may be upset but I've learnt sth: Speak with care. Always put yourself into others shoes before you judge and you comment. =)
